Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
