I heard we made out
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
