swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
