i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
