chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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