yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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