I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
