he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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