I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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