How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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