i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
