Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
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