All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
