At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
