I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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