spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
