I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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