i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
