Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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