dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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