Im at strip club and am horny
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
it was like eating out sand paper
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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