the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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