I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
