my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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