does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
