Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
