Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
