If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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