wakey wakey hands off snakey
apparently the secret to your success is patron
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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