Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
