Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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