now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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