Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm passing your future prison.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
