Ambien. No doubt about it.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
