thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
