just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
