he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
