his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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