Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
