dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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