My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
