you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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