I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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