Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
