When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
