I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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