apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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