Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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