You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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