I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
