so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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