Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
it's like iHOP with fire
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
