You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
