I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize