My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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