I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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