I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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