My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
