i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
