the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
