Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
