After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
