Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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