Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
