I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
