when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
