Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
