if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
