he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Randomize
