No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize