There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
