My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
