why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
