My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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