Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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