Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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